Chapter 26

The Final Show
The Colosseum at Caesars Palace
Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada

For the final show, The Strip was closed to traffic just like on New Year’s Eve; an audio feed from The Colosseum at Caesars Palace was set up throughout The Strip and downtown and video boards on the marquees of hotels would carry the show live. Half a million people were expected to converge on The Strip for the final show, and arenas at MGM Grand, Mandalay Bay and Las VegasUSA would have the final show on special screens set up for the occasion.

To show their appreciation to Las Vegas, The Regular Guys allowed the arenas to distribute tickets how they saw fit, but The Regular Guys would pay for them.

As for The Colosseum at Caesars Palace, that particular night was already sold out, which annoyed Caesars Palace because they had some high rollers they would want to take care of but pleased Lenny and Larry because – except for Jerry, of course – they wouldn’t have to worry about distributing tickets. Besides, both were pleased to perform for whoever showed up. It really didn’t matter to them.

The final three months had gone quickly. At first, Lenny had thought that three months wasn’t enough time to say goodbye to what he had always dreamt of, but after a couple of weeks, he decided that three years wouldn’t be enough time either and that three months was probably about right. Besides, Regular Guy Productions was turning out to be a lot of fun. Lenny didn’t know much about producing movies but he could hire people who did and he was a quick learner, and he had found he immensely enjoyed the work.

Larry, pleased now that there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, looked upon his bodyguards almost with glee and once again found the stage to be home.

The Regular Guys played the Golden Nugget, the All-American Theater and the arena at Las VegasUSA one last time and even launched a surprise invasion of the Casbar Room at The Sahara on a night off the week of the final show. Ray Evans was there chronicling it every step of the way.

The Final Show
The Colosseum at Caesars Palace
Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada

Both Regular Guys were ready to leave right after the show. Lenny and Ann were off to Hollywood where they had bought another house, Regular Guy West, and where Lenny would dive right in on production of Hugh Homicide. Larry would be off to his house in Colorado. He literally had no plans after that, which suited him just fine, except that he would make his way to visit Lenny and Ann after a while to see the film and the house he was paying half of.

They had about ten minutes before the show. Both were wearing black tie for the occasion.

Morty walked up. He needed a cane now, but his half-glasses were still perched on the edge of his nose, his eyes were alert as ever and his wig still looked like it needed to be spayed. He shoved his cane into Lenny’s chest, an act that gave him great pleasure and always made Larry laugh.

“All right guys,” he said. “Really, I mean it this time; do not munch it tonight. I mean, any other night you probably could’ve munched it and gotten away with it. Except your first Toby Flotsam show. But not tonight. History is listening in tonight.”

“I think we’ll be OK Morty,” Larry said. “Just get that kitten a saucer of milk.”

Ann then came and joined them.

“There you are, Morty. For a guy with a cane, you move pretty well.”

The four of them stood there together.

“You three have come a long way,” Morty said.

Ann thought back to when she had first pulled Lenny over to give him a speeding ticket. Morty thought back to the first time he had seen them in a dumpy comedy lounge somewhere and how they had commanded his complete and undivided attention. Lenny thought about the scrambling he did when he had been working on his own. Larry thought about how Rachel would’ve really enjoyed tonight.

Ann took each of their hands and looked into the eyes of her husband and friend. She found it hard to speak.

“I…you…both of you…I knew from the start…there was never any doubt…”

She then started to weep.

“She’s crying Larry,” Lenny said.

“She’s your wife, you do something.”

Ann laughed.

“Screw both of you,” she said smiling. “Go out as you came in, with a bang. Come on Morty, let’s go find our seats.”

A few minutes before their final show, The Regular Guys found themselves in the familiar position of standing alone backstage a few minutes before a show.

Inevitably, Jerry showed up. He had a drop-dead gorgeous young lady on each arm; their combined ages may, or may not, add up to Jerry’s age.

“Hey guys,” he said.

“Well, this is certainly a surprise,” Lenny said.

“I know. Lenny, I’ll be seeing Larry but I may not see you again, and I just wanted to say, really, on behalf of the half-million people out there on The Strip tonight, thank you. You guys are the best. You’ve given us a lot of pleasure over the years. Many thanks and every good wish.”

Lenny was genuinely touched, even if he still wasn’t altogether sure who the hell Jerry was.

“You’re welcome,” Lenny said.

“Not as much pleasure as these two lovelies will give me later, but still, you know what I mean.”

Jerry winked and Lenny smiled.

“Well, we’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Just like I’m sure you will.”

“Larry, golf next week, right?” Jerry was going to visit Larry in Colorado, thereby defying the Groupie By-Laws which state that you move on to the next gig after a current gig retires.

“Of course.”

“Well, you guys go knock ‘em dead. As usual.”

Jerry hooked an arm around the waist of each girl and they headed to their seats.

There were still a couple of minutes to go before showtime.

“You nervous, partner? I know you have a habit of ralphing sometimes before shows,” Lenny said.

“Screw you. I am not nervous at all. This is the very best way to close this out.”

“I agree,” Lenny said softly. He nodded. “This is exactly as it should be.”

Neither Regular Guy was feeling particularly sentimental. One cycle in their lives was ending, but another cycle was beginning. They were still partners in Regular Guy Pictures and each half-owned The Regular Guy Mansion and Regular Guy West. The only thing that was changing was that they wouldn’t be appearing on stage anymore and both were ready for that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, good evening and welcome to Caesars Palace! Tonight please welcome, for the last time, from someplace funny, Lenny and Larry, The Regular Guys!

Center Stage
The Final Show
The Colosseum at Caesars Palace
Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, Nevada

Just like they knew when it was time to call it a day, The Regular Guys knew when it was time to end their final show. They had played for just over two hours, thirty minutes longer than allowed under terms of their contract with Caesars Palace but both Lenny and Larry highly doubted there would be any sanctions for this.

When the time came Lenny and Larry faced each other and smiled.

“I guess this is it, partner,” Lenny said.

Larry nodded.

“Larry, from the start when we were playing county fairs to right now, this has been the very best the human experience can offer,” Lenny said.

“It was, wasn’t it?” Larry asked rhetorically. “I mean, except for the kidnapping, of course; I could’ve done without that.”

That got The Regular Guys’ final laugh.

They hadn’t discussed who would say goodbye. Larry was content to let Lenny do it, unless Lenny appeared to not want to do it, in which case Larry would do it.

Of course Lenny wanted to do it. He turned to the audience.

“To all of you who came and laughed over the years, no matter where and no matter when, talking with you every night has been our great pleasure. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Good night, and goodbye.”

Lenny and Larry both started waving to the crowd. There was a long and loud and emotional ovation. Both Lenny and Larry found it hard not to cry and again there were flowers.

After fifteen minutes Lenny and Larry met in the center of the stage and, taking in a sight they would never see again, waved one last time. They faced each other, smiled again and Larry extended a hand, showing the way to the back of the stage. They turned and left the stage for the last time.

They didn’t look back.

The Regular Guys had called it a day.

The End

Chapter 25
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