April 17

April 17
I have in my hot little hands a card with the new Monte Carlo mission statement and four core values on it. I can’t believe a casino the stature of Monte Carlo has managed to get along without a mission statement and core values for this long, even the hookers have them for Pete’s sake. I mean up until now we’ve been wandering around sticking our tongue out at guests.

Our mission statement is to exceed the expectations of our guests and provide friendly, attentive service and create an exciting and entertaining resort experience. 

We are hoping ‘friendly, attentive service’ is to be interpreted as having sex with all the hot female guests, but we’re still waiting for a ruling on that one. 

Our four core standards are actually more like instructions. We are to 1) smile at our guests; 2) welcome our guests; 3) use their name and 4) say thank you.

We’re glad that’s cleared up. Prior to this guidance, we were scowling at guests while we kicked them in the ass every morning. 

Here was your Henry lineup for last night: 

Henry 1 – OMP
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3 – White Sox Metzger

There was one big call in the hotel last night, a domestic on eight. White Sox Metzger was on 10-10 so OMP and I caught the squeal. 

It took us a while to get there. I was, of course, sitting in a maid’s room – on 18 – and OMP was in the 300 wing on 30 and there is no direct route to the eighth floor from either of those places. Well, the bell elevators offer a direct route, but they are in the 100 wing and the room was a suite right on the E-Core, so it was quicker for both of us to take the guest elevators down to two, and then up to eight, and, in fact, we both got to two at the same time. 

We get there and we can hear the woman crying. We knock and the guy opens the door and we make entry and, after determining the woman hasn’t been smacked around, asked what was going on.

The guy is very apologetic and has a very constructive attitude and – and this is rare – shuts up and does exactly what we tell him to do, which is basically to stand back and keep quiet. 

It’s a young couple and he lost his temper about something or another and started yelling and she started crying and now she wants to leave and go stay with some friends at the Hard Rock. 

Turns out she’s the registered guest, though, so we ask her why doesn’t she put the guy out on his ear for the night and she can stay here and we can get her new keys so her man can’t get back in, or we can even get her a new room, subject to availability, but she is insistent and declared the guy can even stay in the room, which is a bad idea because if he trashes the room she, as the registered guest, is ultimately responsible. 

Meanwhile, White Sox Metzger is done with his 10-10 and now it’s time for OMP’s 482, so Junior sends White Sox Metzger to relieve OMP, and White Sox Metzger and the guy wait outside while the girl packs and then White Sox Metzger escorts her to the taxi stand and then I watch the guy pack cause he’s going, too, and I ask him how he and his woman manage to stay so trim because there are a ton of candy bar and cupcake wrappers and bags of chips and bottles of soda all over the place and he laughs and, thinking I’m Dr. Phil, asks me some relationship questions, all of which I could not be more unqualified to answer, so I give him some vague give-her-some-time-don’t-bother-her-muddy-waters-clear-if-allowed-to-stand-undisturbed type advice and escort him to the valet stand.

April 9 & 15
April 21
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