December 7 & 8

December 7
Plans for New Year’s Eve are starting to filter down. Here’s the deal:

Day shift will come in New Year’s Eve at 0700 and work until 1800, eleven hours. 1800 till 0600 New Year’s Day will be a combined swing shift and graveyard juggernaut. Day shift returns at 0600 and works till their normal 1500 time when we return to normal. 

Bi-Bob, Redneck Randy, Junior and myself were taking 482 together around 0415 when Redneck Randy had a funny. Actually, it was a tag-team affair, as I had the funny lead-in line, after which Redneck Randy chimed in with his masterpiece. 

The stage for both lines was set mid-shift when Bi-Bob, patrolling the east end, came across a somewhat disoriented woman. He thought she was severely medicated and it took about 45 minutes to square everything away. Eventually, they found her cell and they called her husband. 

So we’re sitting there and Bi-Bob was discussing the call and I asked “So, Bob, how long has it been since you’ve spent that much time with a woman.”

This was funny even though Bi-Bob is married. 

Redneck Randy wasted no time.

“Since he last saw his mother.”

December 8
Here is your Henry lineup for tonight:

Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – X-Ray

It was a great night in the hotel. First off, I wasn’t given a scanner. The usual one units – Mary-1, Henry-1 and Baker-1 – showed up for early briefing and there was only one scanner on the table and the list said it belonged to Jeffrey, who is Baker 1.

It was my first time in the hotel without a scanner. You might think I would use this situation to rack up a historic Foot on the Desk percentage, but I found myself patrolling like I normally did, and it was academic because we were pretty busy all night anyway.

Our favorite call came around 0300 when X-Ray and I were sent to a room on 19 to investigate what Junior said was ‘loud 429’, which means a couple are getting so busy their neighbors can hear it. 

(429 is actually the radio code for indecent exposure, but it is used to indicate any kind of racy activity.)

We get there and yay buddy, they are definitely getting busy, and, to judge by the sounds of the female half, the guy appears to be doing his duty, too. 

X-Ray and I stand at the door listening for a while, taking the time to sort out matters and ensure we have a legitimate noise complaint. It’s this professionalism, I think, that sets us apart from the others. Some – less professional – officers, may have immediately attempted to make contact, but I taught X-Ray well: we stand at the door, making sure we have enough evidence to proceed. 

After a while, it became clear that, yes, we did have a legitimate noise complaint. 

“Boy, they’re really going at it, aren’t they?” X-Ray asks.

I purse my lips, stroke my chin and nod solemnly. 

“He certainly appears to be delivering the goods.”

Right then Lee turns the corner and – and this was really funny to see – starts trotting down the hall. He had just wrapped up 482 and was taking a crap when X-Ray and I caught the squeal. With Lee, the crew comes first, of course, and he knew we’d need back up so he selflessly wrapped matters up in the bathroom and hustled up. 

X-Ray nods at the door and says, “Listen to them.”

Ever the professional, Lee puts his ear to the door.

“Fuck, what does that guy have for a cock, a howitzer?” Lee said. 

“No shit,” I said. “It sounds like he’s using a plunger.”

You really hate breaking these things up. But you gotta take the good with the bad as a Henry unit and besides, sometimes the chick answers the door buck naked, but this time we got the guy, who was built, wearing a towel. He was understanding, more or less. 

482 was really good tonight. I gotta admit, the EDR has stepped it up a notch the past month or so. We still whine incessantly about what they serve, but the food is fresh and served at the right temperature and it doesn’t sit all night as it has in the past. The EDR seems to run in cycles and this should all end soon enough. 

Tonight they had this really tasty chicken dish. I have no idea what it’s called, but it was chicken thighs (my favorite!) stuffed with cheese and spinach and topped with even more cheese and whoa Nelly, was it tasty.

I had actually eaten on my first 10-10 and I spent 482 in the 27th-floor maid’s room. Ten minutes into it we went 499 and since I was in the hotel, I responded. A 71-year-old man was complaining of chest pains. 

Uh-oh, I thought, this could be it, the real deal. 71, chest pains, it goes through your mind. X-Ray was already there when I arrived and he and the guy were chatting pleasantly and the guy was looking in his wallet for something and they didn’t need the med bag I had gone to the HSO for and I got the impression the guy was just doing this to annoy his wife. 

I have never had a serious medical incident in the hotel.

December 1 & 4
December 9
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