Total and complete disaster struck Monte Carlo recently as the ultimate woman, a cocktail waitress named Regina, has left, her troglodyte husband packing her up and schlepping her off to Colorado.
I was devastated when Rich told me. Regina was the total package, ‘one hell of a broad’ as Rich called her, which for the understated Rich is the ultimate compliment. Tall and brunette, she had all the physical attributes you’d expect in a cocktail waitress at Monte Carlo, but she also had the great gift of making it appear as if whatever interaction she was having with you was the highlight of her life.
For example, if I’m leaning against a craps table and she walks by and I say “Hey, Regina” she would say “Hi Gaylon” and sort of scrunchel her nose and favor you with a smile that made all your previous troubles in life worth putting up with all the while giving the impression her entire life had been spent in preparation for this moment and now she could go back to such mundane tasks as delivering drinks and being a wife. It will be hard to face a week without her, much less the rest of my Monte Carlo career. Disasters do not come much bigger than this.
I was in PBX last night when White Sox Metzger popped in. I had heard from X-Ray that he had been stopping by lately because he has the hots for both Silvia and Maria. It was funny listening to White Sox Metzger drum up lame conversation – his only real talent – and Silvia, who can spot a pickup from a mile away, even from Metzger, was shamelessly flirting with him.
White Sox Metzger is under some serious delusions if he thinks either of them has any interest. I mean, I have a crush on Silvia, (she is a genuinely funny young lady) but I certainly am not under any delusions, or at least none that aren’t perfectly reasonable.
The big news from last night, and it is big, is that OMP was taken to the hospital! I am not making that up, though I wish I were.
X-Ray was doing some OT at the employee entrance when Redneck Randy came by to transport OMP. X-Ray reported it looked like OMP had cantaloupes in his pants, was in a fair amount of pain and was having trouble walking. We’re not entirely sure what the deal is, but it can’t be good having balls the size of melons. That was never covered in the first aid class.
Continuing a tradition begun last Tuesday, I called to see what my assignment for tonight would be. I was expecting the casino, but I am penciled in at Mary 2.
Usually, Guy is Mary 2 on Tuesdays, but Judy is out on a leave of absence because her husband is sick, so Guy is Mary 1. Being Mary 2, of course, means I will be wearing my new Bates DuraShocks. I picked up these puppies recently from the local Quartermaster uniform store specifically to wear while working outside.
Both Bi-Bob and Rich will be back from vacation. It was nice going two weeks without being gay sexually harassed, but it will be funny to watch Bi-Bob drool when Darren Peck does the weather on FOX5. With OMP in the hospital, a death on swing shift recently and a day shifter in the hospital, Rich may be good for a ‘Boy, they’ve sure been dropping like flies’ line, but we’ll have to wait and see.