June 1, 4 & 5

June 1
I was at Eddie – 1 last night when Venus made its first appearance of the night, about 0430, and Redneck Randy comes by to chat and we talk a bit and I mention how I’ve been enjoying watching Venus on its path through the solar system when he announces the planet in the east isn’t Venus, but Mars. I say I don’t think so, but he’s insistent and he leaves and comes back a little later. 

“You know, Randy,” I said. “That couldn’t be Mars because there is no way Mars could be between the Earth and the sun. 

“Why not?”

“Well, we’re closer to the sun than Mars is.”

“No, we’re not,” he said to the sound of Copernicus and Galileo, and probably his junior high science teacher, rolling in their graves. Eventually, I got him squared away on which planets were where and we agreed that I wouldn’t mention this again if he never, ever again makes fun of the fact I don’t know the difference between fuel injection and carburetion. We all have our talents, after all. 

June 4
Here was your Henry lineup for last night: 

Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – X-Ray
Henry 3 – Code Four Carlin

Tied the record for fewest calls in a shift with one, and I came pretty close to the shutout as that call didn’t come till 0530. I was actually returning to the hotel from the office when the call came, a noise complaint on 32, the high rent district. 

X-Ray beat me there, and it turned out to be a husband and wife going at it. Or, rather, the wife was going at it, yelling and swearing a lot. We knock and the guy answers and there’s a broken plate and a cheeseburger on the floor and part of the wall and there were fries and salad everywhere, too. 

The wife was not pleased to see us and after telling them to pipe down X-Ray and I came away feeling sorry for the guy and reaffirmed our commitment to the bachelor’s life.  

 But that was it. I got a lot of sitting done in all my favorite places: the 29-336 storage room, maid’s rooms, offices, you name it, I was there. I got a round in early, in the first hour and fifteen minutes or so, then spent the better part of the next five hours getting the second round in. 

June 5
Here was your Outside lineup for last night:

Mary 1 – Ted
Mary 2 – Special Ed
Baker 1 – Jo(s)e
Baker 2 – moi

Up until the time Ted got hit by a car, it was really slow. As usual, I was on 482 when the deal went down. 

The deal started when Junior spotted two women in the short term lot placing cell phones on the ground near a car, or something like that. I’m not entirely sure; I was eating and not paying a whole lot of attention. Either way, two women were doing suspicious things with cell phones in the short term parking lot. This doesn’t appear it’s going to be Call of the Year for MCSD, and I continue with 482, figuring Ted, Special Ed and Jo(s)e can handle a few suspicious cell phones.

Junior asks for an outside unit to go investigate and Ted and Jo(s)e say they are on their way. They make contact and not much happens for a few minutes. Then White Sox Metzger gets on the horn from the hotel saying he had an ‘incident’ involving two (2) guys who had taken four (!) women to their room and now two women and two cell phones were missing. By this time the girls had gotten in their car and are not looking at Ted’s requests to get the fuck out of the car with any kind of favor. 

There’s some chatter on the radio I am not paying particular attention to when Ted yells “Mary – 1’s been hit!”

That gets your attention. It’s not immediately clear if Ted’s referring to himself or the Mary – 1 chariot, though it turns out Ted was the one hit, grazed on the right leg as he tried to get out of the way as the girls tried to flee. He was not hurt. 

Well, a fellow outside unit gets hit by a car, I sorta have to head out, though there really isn’t much to do except stand around and act concerned, which I do for a few minutes before resuming 482. 

Five minutes later I’m on the 14th floor of the hotel because we’re 4-9-9 for a woman who is having trouble breathing. Dougie Fresh and I get there at the same time and he prances in and I follow and there are no less than eight black women in there and one of them is having an allergic reaction to something she ate. 

Dougie Fresh is in his element and within 30 seconds has used his feminine wiles to become everyone’s best friend. About this time OMP arrives with the med bag and Dougie Fresh does a good job of administering oxygen until paramedics arrive. I make myself useful by coordinating communications with dispatch and staying out of the way. 

I may well be a bike unit soon. After shift, 88TonyM wondered why I was Mary 3 and not a bike unit and seemed surprised when I told him I was not a qualified bike unit.

Sigh. While officially my motto is ‘tell me where to go, sign the check’, I would like to point out a Mary unit is powered by a four-cylinder internal combustion engine while a bike would be powered by yours truly. Also, a Mary unit has a stereo and an air conditioner, key with summer coming, two features noticeably lacking on a bike. 

Here is your Outside lineup for tonight:

Mary 1 – Ted
Mary 2 – moi
Baker 1 – Jo(s)e
Baker 2 – Schempp

May 25, 26 & 31
June 6
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