March 6

March 6
Here was your Henry lineup for last night: 

Henry 1 – OMP
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3 – White Sox Metzger

White Sox Metzger wears white socks, of course, so it’s hard to take him too seriously, but he’s useful enough, even if he did knock on the wrong door on a welfare check. 

His hotel inexperience showed in other ways, too. We were walking down a hall after clearing a noise complaint when we came across a noisy room. The noises were consistent with a woman receiving sexual pleasure; even White Sox Metzger recognized that. Further investigation confirmed our initial assessment.

After a while, White Sox Metzger announced his initial findings:

“Boy, she’s really getting some!” he exclaimed. 

White Sox Metzger is an amateur. Had he had the same experience in these matters that I do – and I have a lot of experience in these matters – he might have noticed hers was the only noise. This would lead someone who knew what the fuck is going on – like me, for instance – to conclude the woman was either receiving some sort of oral stimulation or she was performing a rather pleasurable act on herself. And based on the lack of mechanical or whirring sounds, it appeared plain she was receiving the act of oral sex, and, furthermore, her partner was getting pretty busy and appeared to know what he/she was doing. I graciously mentored White Sox Metzger about this, and, since we didn’t have an official complaint on the room there was no reason to bother them and we left after a few minutes. 

I ended up with two reports. The first was a proprietary damage report when a couple reported they had broken the picture above their bed, which normally isn’t easy to do. In fact, I have no idea how they did it because they weren’t in the room when White Sox Metzger and I arrived, they had simply informed the front desk they had broken the picture and then continued on with their plans. 

Property damage reports used to require a regular incident report, but now all we have to do is fill out a form and take some pictures, and the guests were billed $85, which seemed to me to be a lot, but what do I know. 

The second report was a missing property report. A guy who had gotten married earlier in the day had inadvertently left his video camera on his room service cart, which he had then put outside his room, and he seemed genuinely surprised when he went to look for it and it had turned up missing. 

This required a real report and, naturally, led to a funny incident with Rich in the café because as I was walking back to the hotel from the casino security office Junior says he needs an officer to go to the café to respond to some drunken cowgirls. 

Rich and I get there at the same time and a cute Food and Beverage assistant supervisor greets us.

“What’s going on, Karen?”

“Those cowgirls over there. They’re sleeping and taking off their shoes.”

“You mean those over there?” I asked, pointing across the room. “The one’s in the cowboy hats?”

Karen nodded.

“Nothing gets past you guys, does it?”

Rich and I laughed. 

“We’re trained professionals, Karen.”

The cowgirls were, indeed, taking a very leisurely approach to their meal. Shoes were off, and some were sleeping. Rich and I walk up. 

“Uh oh,” one cowgirl said. “They called security.”

“Not only that,” I said. “There’s two of us.”

“You’re all in big trouble,” Rich announced.

“Do we have to put our shoes back on?”

I nodded solemnly.

“You gotta finish your vegetables, too,” Rich said.

March 4
March 8 & 10
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