Editor’s Note: Following is an entry that describes some rather unique barf the Henry units ran into last night. If you are not desirous of reading about the unique barf the Henry units ran into last night, feel free to skip to the boldface type further down and enjoy the rest of the entry.
Here was your Henry lineup for last night:
Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – X-Ray
Just before midnight Lee and X-Ray get sent to the 12th floor because a guest called and said she could hear a woman crying for help next door.
Well, for something like that Henry 1 is going to roll as well. I mean, who the hell knows what’s going on. I was at the elevator in the 24th-floor maid’s room on my way to 10-10, but that can wait.
Lee and I end up taking the elevator together. We get there and Fred is up from the casino and X-Ray is there and Fred tells us the girl is veeery drunk, but that everything is otherwise code four.
Turns out she had ralphed in the sink. Lee eagerly – a little too eagerly, if you ask me – went and looked at it and said “Dude, Gaylon, you gotta look at this!”
You could hear the italics in his voice and I gotta be honest, I’m all right not seeing it. You run into ralph from time to time in this business and while it doesn’t make me sick, I don’t go looking for it. But I respect Lee’s opinion – as a security professional – so I go and look and holy living fuck, the girl has ralphed – and I am not making this up – three or four solid pink thingies! They are about the size of an average egg roll, shaped like Vienna sausages and are the color of Pepto Bismal.
“No wonder she was crying for help,” I told Lee. “Those had to be like giving birth.”
“This is so fucking cool,” Lee says. He actually – and, again, I am not making this up – reaches for his rubber gloves and puts them on. He touches the barf and reports, very professionally, that they’re firm to the touch.
“That’s great, Lee,” I say, retreating for the door. I’d had enough. “Make sure they get to the lab for analysis.”
Eventually, the boyfriend wants paramedics called, which is mainly for his benefit because he’s kinda scared so we go four-nine-nine. There really isn’t much the paramedics can do and eventually they get her into bed and we tell him to keep her on her side and to keep a trash can handy, which the boyfriend didn’t find as reassuring as we meant it to be.
END BARF REPORT
Later, Lee and I are in the 27th-floor maid’s room, relaxing after a tough noise complaint, and I’m leafing through Lee’s copy of Astrology magazine. There’s an article in there on time travel and Lee was trying to explain it to me, and, while he seemed to have a fairly good layman’s grasp of the broader principles, I didn’t understand a word of it. They used an example of two twins, one of whom stays on Earth while the other travels to the star Vega. When the twin returns from her trip she will have only aged 22 years, while the twin who stayed behind would have aged 55 years. Or something like that. They tried to clarify this example with another example of an atomic clock shooting out a beam that takes an hour to reach the Earth twin, but an hour and forty minutes to reach the space twin. Or something like that. I got pretty confused.
By my count 77Dwayne took no less than three (3) 482’s. He was wrapping one up when I started my 482 just after 0100, ate again when I was wrapping it up forty-five minutes later, and, at 0315 someone tried to raise him on the radio and he said he was at 482.
And later I went to the office to turn in the report on the barf case and he and Russ were sitting in the briefing room watching a movie.
Here is your Henry lineup for tonight:
Henry 1 – OMP
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3 – X-Ray
77Dwayne isn’t even bothering with four Henry units on weekends. This is bad.