October 19, 20, 21 & 22

October 19
I’ve been doing a little research into the rapper 50 Cent, who will be staying at Monte Carlo this weekend.

Various sources report he’s been shot nine times.

Fabulous. And he and his krew are rumored to be taking up the top two floors. OMP is going to pass out and probably die.


Hell, we’re all going to die. D-Dawg, Twerp and myself are going down in a blaze of gunfire while drawing our flashlights.

And I also found this doing my research: “From Pieces To Weight: Once Upon a Time In Southside Queens” released by MTV books, is touted as 50 Cent’s “debut autobiography”.

Debut autobiography? As opposed to what, the follow-ups?

Here is your Henry lineup for tonight:

Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – Jeremy
– Indicates dayshift officer working OT!

Jeremy is the one whose wife has the pink mustang.

October 20
The news from this weekend has gotten, if this is possible, worse. I am going to die; we are all going to die. Monte Carlo is going to burn to the ground. As Guy said, they are going to “fucking level this place”.

For reasons I’m sure someone thought good, some famous race car driver named Force will be at Monte Carlo this weekend signing autographs at roughly the same time 50 Cent and his posse are holding their shooting gallery.

We discussed this in briefing, and we would really like to meet the wizard who came up with this tour de force and bitch slap them from here to Reno. The outlook is so bad supervisors are being allowed to bring their own, personal firearms from home for possible deployment, and another rumor says a cache of bulletproof vests has been uncovered for use by us officers who armed only with flashlights.

Let me tell you something, it is my own personal opinion that in the quantity we are going to get shot, and with the Kryptonite-tipped bullets these guys have, only the Ring of Power will save us.

To celebrate my last week on this planet, I had a triumphant night in the hotel, racking up a Foot on the Desk percentage of just over 50 percent, despite the fact we were moderately busy.

Here is your Henry lineup for tonight:

Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – X-Ray

We’ve agreed we’re all going to meet in heaven and provide security services Up There, responding to loud harp complaints and assisting St. Peter letting new arrivals into their suites.

October 21
50 Cent and his krew showed up around 0400. They brought their own flak jackets – I am not making that up – and it is not a complete stretch to presume they have accompanying weapons as well. Not only that, Enar the Bellman reported they are not big tippers, forking over just six bucks for a cart of luggage.

“Hell,” I told him. “I tip better than that.”

Although everyone was well-behaved last night – reports were they left almost as soon as they were checked in – all will be lost tonight.

I’m not sure why I’m bothering, but here is your Henry lineup for tonight:

Henry 1 – OMP
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3 – Fred
Henry 4 – Jose

Thinking about it, our only real window of trouble will come late in the shift. These are not dinner–and–a–show–then-let’s–turn–in–early–cause–we–got–the-Hoover-Dam-tour-in-the-morning crowd, and there is a high degree of probability the posse will not return to the hotel till 0500 or so.

Here is your Henry lineup for eternity:

Henry 1 – OMP
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3A – Lee
Henry 4 – X-Ray

God bless all of you. Fortunately, I am going to New York for the weekend and will miss Saturday’s fiasco.

October 22
Friday night passed without incident. It was a very slow night. Since I am calling off tonight to spend the weekend in New York, I survived 50 Cent weekend.

Turns out the whole thing was part of a well-organized, very professional promotional deal for his new movie and video game, that seemed to involve flying in DJ’s and whatnot from around the country. 50 Cent has his own security staff and they didn’t want trouble any more than we did (as if that was possible).

It would’ve been nice to have been told this at the beginning of the week.

It still doesn’t explain the flak jackets, though.

October 18
October 26 & 27
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